Ashes to Ashes
by NeverGoodbyeRoxas
Summary: A girl in Organization XIII finds herself prey to its goals, but wishes no more than to stay with them. She would do anything if it meant she could stay with him, with Roxas. But he's been acting strangely lately and both her and Axel know it. RoxasOC
1. An Introduction to Loss

Darkness stuck to the walls, the cobblestone, and the fine mist of rain sweeping down from the equally charcoal sky, warded off only by the fluorescent blue and red lights banging from the buildings. Shadows didn't move; only the blinking of the lights did. Both darkness and silence continued to unnerve me as yellow buggy eyes bubbled up from the stony ground. The shadows moved now. I stood in the middle of the square panting, shirt torn in places and dirt smudged on my cheek. I could feel the bruises welling up. The Heartless jumped up and down, head bobbling to the beat of my breathing. With the small dagger in my hand, I backed away from them. They lunged at me. A mass of black shoved me to the ground, their bodies tangled up and stalking over me. I struggled and kicked. My breath caught in my throat just as a Heartless hovered over my hurting face, its antennas twitching back and forth. Rapid lights released me. I sat up, coughing, and saw him slash through the last few crawling about. The two keyblades disappeared as he walked to me and knelt down.

"Jenyl, you shouldn't be wandering around here alone."

"I had to. Xaldin sent me to get more Dark Crystals. He's run out."

"That idiot. Why doesn't he get them himself?"

"It's alright. Gathering's my job. I'd be even more useless if I didn't."

"You're not-"

"Roxas, you're bleeding." I pointed to his cheek. He wiped away the smidge of blood and smiled.

"Got it from a fight with some guy with silver-hair. It's no problem. You, however, need help."

He pulled me up and walked me to the white castle. We went up the stairs and down the halls.

"Where's Axel? Wasn't he supposed to be with you?"

I shrugged. "He said he was leaving for another mission. He wouldn't say what though."

"Oh...good then."

"Did you need something?"

"Nah."

I nodded and kept back a sigh. He, however, glanced at me with those knowing eyes of his.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar," he said with a small smile.

"Well, you never ask me for anything."

"Neither has Axel."

"Yes, but...oh never mind. It doesn't make any sense." I smiled back and shrugged before letting him ask his question. "Thank you for saving me back there Roxas. You always do."

"Maybe I should teach you how to fight," he spoke, chuckling.

He patted me on the shoulder and walked around a corner. I watched him disappear and waited a couple of seconds before heading into another hallway that led to Xaldin's quarters. At his door, I set down the items, knocked, and rushed away. Unfortunately, I crashed into someone. He, for he had a hard chest, snickered as I groaned from the floor.

"Distracted, aren't we?"

"Saix-"

He grabbed my arm. I slammed into his chest again. Groaning, I tried to pull away from him, but he tightened the hold until I squirmed for oxygen.

"My little scavenger, how are you?"

"She'd be a lot better with your mucky hands off'a her."

I backed away as soon as Saix turned to face Axel.

"So you're back already? Did the stains wash out all right? I know how blood can get."

"I bet you do. Let's go Jenyl." He directed me out of there with a hand on my back. When we were out of hearing distance, we slowed down. I looked at Axel.

"Thanks for that. That's twice I've been saved today."

"Out of the hundreds before." He raised a thumb, his smile reaching up to his eyes.

"How do you smile like that? Everyone else either glares or looks like they're bored. Well, except for Demyx."

"Heh, yeah. He's hyperactive."

"I'd say that about you too."

"Hey thanks."

"No problem."

"Any new experiments?"

"Of course, but it's top secret."

"Oh really? Dangerous stuff, eh?"

"You'll see. I'm almost done with them."

"Them?"

"Mmmm...uh, you're hair is such a pretty shade of red Axel."

"I know. And yours is just the color Roxas likes: satin black."

"W...what?"

He swung his arm over my shoulder while chuckling. "Oh yes, and those pretty purple eyes of yours, they're to die for."

"Don't say that. I hardly look like anything."

"You definitely look like something alright Jenyl."

He tugged one of my long, low pigtails and finally glanced at my clothes.

"First rescue?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you should probably get cleaned up before Saix shows up again. God knows the weirdest things turn him on."

"Could we not talk about that please? He scares me."

"No worries. As long as you have me and Roxas, you don't have to worry 'bout him. Now hurry up and get cleaned."

"Alright."

With a wink, Axel left me in front of my room where I entered, showered, and pulled another set of clothes-white and pink top, beige skirt, belts, and shoes-on me. I sat on the floor with my set of items before me and tinkered with them until I finished it up. It had taken about a month, the hardest part being actually collecting the items to synthesize it. I looped the thin chains through the holes, creating three necklaces. I fit them together to form a heart, and then took them apart again.

"Done. I hope Roxas and Axel like it."

I pocketed them in my pack, straightened my hair, and was about to leave the room, but someone beat me to the door. I opened it to find Demyx there.

"Hey Jenyl. Just dropped by to tell you that Marluxia wants you to meet him by the entrance right now."

"Okay."

Demyx swung his guitar over a shoulder and walked off. I went the other way toward the entrance. Marluxia leaned against the wall.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes...I need you to get some Orichulum, lot's of it by tomorrow."

"But...that's impossible. It's rare and-"

"Just do it. I expect it by tomorrow."

He too walked away, leaving me standing by the door. It was already late, and this place never got lighter. Sighing, I went back in and headed to Roxas' room. I knocked once, twice, three times and waited. No one opened. Perhaps he was sleeping.

"Guess...I'll go by myself."

Outside, it was the same. But this time I held two daggers. They wouldn't be much help, but it was better than nothing. The bare lighting of the moon and the mixture of neon signs skimmed the place. Strange thing was I barely saw anyone liver here. It was like an elaborate, ornate shell, beautifully, hauntingly hollow. A noise crept up behind me. I skirted around the corner and pressed myself against the wall, throat constricting again. As soon as the Heartless came, I slashed at it, hoping that it carried something. Another jumped me. I lurched forth and screamed, but slammed my back against the wall to get it off. More scrambled around my legs, eagerly climbing each other to get to me. Breathing in sharply, I kicked them away. I ran. This was going to be a long night.

More Heartless ran by as I huddled in a high corner by the wiry fence, legs aching and tight.  
"I really should have made Roxas teach me how to fight."

I clamped a hand over my mouth as the shadows rushed by. The little sac of Orichulum hung on my belt. Unfortunately, it was still too light for me to go back and rest. So I was left with slumping down on the cold ground, hoping that somehow a stack of Orichulum would appear before me. Instead, the Heartless found me. I climbed the fence and jumped up to the ledge of the building. Teetering, I lurched back and kept my balance as the Shadows hopped up and down. Soon, they oozed out of the building walls. I stepped back as the moved forward. To jumped; I slashed earning another treasure. More came with each kill. My chest heaved; my legs ached; my arms quivered. As they leaped, I stepped back from the pure weight of their flung bodies. At one point, I stepped on the ledge and swung my arms forward to regain balance. But the Shadows trudged forward and crawled up my legs until my foot slipped. Almost slowly, the air rushed past me, my hair flying forward like some sort of mocking image. Dropping. Falling. Plummeting. I was really falling. As my back hit the ground, a strike of sharp, knife-slick pain shot up and outwards, stretching from limb to limb. A scream came from my mouth. They were crawling nearer and nearer until I could feel them scraping against my bare legs, bare arms, then bare shoulders. I flailed about, suffocating and throbbing. Twisting around, I dragged myself away from the pile and stumbled up. Sweat and blood trickled down my head, arms, and legs. With both daggers in hands, I blocked off several Shadows until they clawed my upper arms and neck. I took another claw across the face; my eyes watered. Salty, bitter blood crossed over my lips. I gathered the fallen metal quickly and tucked them away. I ran now, deeper into the district and the darkness. Heartless continued to phase out of the floor to stalk me. They closed in until I could feel their antennae brush against my leg.

"Jenyl!"

"Axel!"

As I ran into the square, Axel saw me, unsheathed his chakras, and destroyed the Shadows. He hurried over to where I stood, placed my arm around his shoulder, and led me to the castle.

"Why were you out there alone? You were missing for hours."

"I...had to get..Orichulum for...Marluxia by today..."

"Damn idiot. Where's Roxas? Didn't he go with you?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Why not? You know you're supposed to get him when you go out."

"I...tried. But he didn't answer."

"And all this time I thought he was with you. Where is that guy?"

We entered the castle and wobbled down the halls. Axel had to carry more and more of my weight as whatever strength left in my legs dribbled out.

"C'mon Jenyl. You'll make it."

As we approached another corridor, Roxas passed by but saw us.

"Jenyl!"

He took me from Axel and lifted me up into his arms. I tried to get down, but he held onto me, shoved his way into a room, and placed me on the couch.

"Axel, what happened?"

"Apparently Marluxia sent her on a wild chase for Orichulum. She went alone after she couldn't find you."

Roxas wiped away the grime on my face, but his finger stopped on the blood.

"I'm fine Roxas. I just feel...kinda sleepy."

I closed my eyes and hovered between dream and present. But before slipping into sleep, I heard someone speak.

"Damn that Marluxia."


	2. The Continuance of it

I woke up softly cushioned by the pillows of the sofa. I rolled over and yelped from the pain going everywhere at one moment. A thin, white sheet fell to my waist as I sat up slowly while brushing away my hair. The room swirled about, turning and turning like curling centrifuges. The pouch of Orichulum was still with me. Marluxia would be angry.

I leaned against the wall to catch my breath, then started up again. Voices came closer as I dragged myself down the hall. They were masculine and leveled. I recognized them and stood near the door, listening.

"Where were you Roxas?"

"Somewhere."

"So I guess this 'somewhere' was more important than Jenyl's safety?"

"Look, I already feel crappy as it is. I know it's my fault! What do you want me to do?"

"I'm not saying that-"

"Don't lie Axel. Blame me all you want. I do."

"C'mon! Don't be so self-righteous. All I'm asking is where you were."

"I was…thinking."

"Thinking?"

"Thinking."

"That's it? That's your excuse? I know you better than that Roxas."

"I guess you don't believe me…fine. Whatever."

"Don't be like that. I just want to know what's up with you. You're not being yourself."

"I don't have a 'self,' remember? I'm a Nobody. I wasn't meant to exist."

"Shut up! That's not true and you know it."

"Do I?" It was scathing.

"So you're saying that Nobody's are worthless. You're saying I'm worthless, that Jenyl's worthless. Thanks Roxas. Thanks a lot."

A long period of silence followed. I rubbed my upper arms, goosebumps somehow plaguing me now.

"I'm sorry. That's not what I meant….ugh, I'm such an idiot."

"Heh, you got that right."

I crept away from the door and headed towards Marluxia's room. I knocked. He opened it.

"You're late."

"Sorry."

After I gave him the Orichulum, he shut the door in my face. For a second though, I thought I saw Larxene sitting on the bed. Sighing, I distanced myself from the room in search of my own.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I've caught you yet again my scavenger."

"Saix fingered my torn clothes that slit up almost to where my ribs connected. A red line followed his sharp fingernail. Cringing, I stepped back until my bruised shoulder blades hit the wall. I yelped.

"D-don't touch me."

"You are in no position to give me commands."

"Roxas-"

"He can't save you all the time. He can hardly save himself."

"Don't you say anything bad about him!"

He chuckled. "Surely you can see it," the words nearly oozed from his smirking lips. "You love him, don't you?"

"I-"

"It's so easy to see. Surely you've noticed the way he stares at nothing, the way he disappears without a word, his silence….you know and it kills you to see him tormented so."

"There's nothing wrong with him!"

"I know that you know," he whispered. His breath became closer and closer until I kicked him and ran as fast as I could towards the room with Axel and Roxas. Shots of pangs sliced up my legs and shoulders. It was a mixture of a limp and a sprint.

I tore through the door where both Axel and Roxas stood, there gazes now on me. Roxas quickly held me up.

"You're supposed to be resting Jenyl."

"Sorry," I gasped, desperate for air. "I had to go to Marluxia.

"Where were you running?"

I paused. "…Saix."

"Shoulda' known," he murmured lowly while still holding me up. I saw Axel nod from the corner of my eye.

"Hey Roxas, I've gotta go take care of some things. You've got Jenyl covered."

Axel left us, his hand itching by his weapon.

"He's been off lately," I spoke.

"Don't worry about him. He just has a job to do."

"What is it?"

He shrugged me into a sturdier position. "C'mon, let's get you to your room."

We passed by lurking Nobody's who stretched and bobbled abstractly, their limbs twisting out at odd angles, their eyes following movement.

"We're just like them, aren't we?"

I looked at him expectantly.

"I wonder if they feel lost too. We don't look the same as them, but I'm sure deep down, they just want to know who they really are."

"You're Roxas and I'm Jenyl."

He shook his head. "That's not enough, not nearly enough."

"What more could you want?"

"I want what every Nobody wants-a heart."

"And how are you going to get one?"

There was a lengthy pause of contemplation, as if he were sorting through something. "…I've figured something out."

"What?"

"Just…something."

He wouldn't say anything afterwards. But I found myself leading the way now. His steps became slower, treading like the unfurling of a lapsed shore tide. He didn't notice that we were at the door already.

"Roxas," I called out. "Roxas."

"Yeah?"

"We're here."

He glanced up. "Oh, right. Well, I've gotta go take care of some business. Get some rest."

"Wait!" He stopped. "When you're done, stop by with Axel, okay? I want to give you guys something."

"Alright. Now sleep."

After waving to him, I slipped off my clothes and pulled my pajamas on. They were fleecy soft against my scraped skin and I eased myself into the small bed. I dreamt of myself again, or rather the "me" that no longer lived. I could see the things she did as a girl, the people she loved, and the places she visited. It all seemed like worn paper, an ancient relic-so difficult to understand. I'd given up on these rituals long ago. Now they were little dramas that came to my periodically.

I woke up to crumpled sheets, fallen pillows, and my arm twisted around awkwardly, limp and heavy from no circulation. There was knocking on my door. I jumped up, regretted it, and opened the door where Roxas and Axel was about to knock again.

"Hey guys. Come on in." I motioned towards the inside of my room. Roxas, however, stood still.

"Uh, shouldn't you change first?"

I looked down to my clothes, then back up to Roxas.

"Why? Is there something wrong?"

"Well-"

"Ah Roxas, you know you like it." Axel grinned and patted him on the back, earning him a semi-glare. We sat on the floor.

"So, what is it Jenyl?"

I smiled at the eager redhead and reached over to where my pouch laid. The metal felt cool against my palm and soft.

"Here. I made these for you."

I handed them one each. They examined it, turning the charm side to side, noting its brilliance.

"They're friendship necklaces," I answered before they could even ask. "They'll remind us of each other when we're apart so that we will always remain connected. If you ever feel lost or alone, just know that we'll always have each other."

They looked at one another, then placed the necklaces around their necks. Axel chuckled.

"What's funny," I asked.

"We're not going anywhere Jenyl. Don't worry about it, right Roxas?

"Uh, yeah."

"But still, just keep them, okay?"

Roxas nodded his head. "We will."

"Thanks…for being my friends," I managed to say.

They smiled almost grimly. There was a stagnant silence where the two of them sat, awkward.

"We need to tell you something Jenyl," Axel began.

"Alright."

He leaned forward, his newly acquired charm dangling from his neck. He fiddled with it, feeling its etchings between his gloved fingers.

"Both Marluxia and Larxene are dead."

"What? Why?"

"They were traitors to the Organization. Marluxia wanted to overthrow the Superior. Larxene followed him for the hell of it."

"H-how did they-"

"Die? I killed them. Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion are gone too."

I blanked. "You killed them?"

His smile turned even grimmer. "Still wanna be my friend?"

I sat there, momentarily lost with the carpet designs. Swallowing, I met Axel's eyes and nodded.

"Yeah."

His shoulders slumped. "Heh, I really do have the best of friends right now. One who fights by my side and the other who forgives me for it."

He ruffled my hair and threw an arm around Roxas' shoulder. "Group hug?"

Roxas glanced at him. "Since when were you into group hugs?"

"Since always. I'm a fragile little puppy beneath my cool, tough guy exterior doncha know."

"I know Axel."

"See Roxas? Jenyl understands. She gets an extra hug."

He squeezed me, both arms wrapped around my figure. I wheezed slightly. "Axel…can't breathe."

Chuckling, he let me go and pointed to Roxas. "I think he wants one too."

"Oh really Axel? And how did you figure that out?"

"Simple Roxas. I could see it in those damn dreamy, ocean-blue eyes of yours."

"Not exactly the words I wanted to hear from you," Roxas remarked.

"C'mon, you know you want me."

"What I want," and here Roxas' eyes began to drift off into those awful distances where I could not follow. He blinked and seemed to awaken. "Thanks for the gift Jenyl. It's late. I'm going to bed."

And with that, Roxas left the room, leaving a befuddled Axel while I stared, quiet.

"What just happened," Axel asked, bewildered.

"I'm…not sure," I answered lamely. "Maybe we made him angry…."

"Hm, nah. He's just been out of it for a while. But it is late. Go back to sleep, alright?"

I nodded. "Sure."

After the door clicked close, I crawled back into bed where the scent of gardenia tucked me in. It was the scent her mother wore when she kissed the girl good night. I shoot my head and curled up into myself. My muscles protested in frustration, but began to unclench and relax. The dreams were coming again. It must have been the exhaustion or the gardenia or the bed. But they were coming, all fanciful and sweet like a fond memory wrapped up in sorrow. The pillow caught my sigh. I close my eyes to see them clearer.

I probably should have hated these images, but I found myself fascinated instead. She was the heart I never had. Looking at them felt like deja-vu, so vaguely familiar that they almost felt like my memories.

"You can't be serious!"

A flurry of footsteps passed my door and sped onward. It was Axel's voice. I scrambled out of bed and threw open the door only to see him chase a blonde-Roxas-down the corridor towards the entrance. I ran after them, but they had already left. I sprinted faster out of the castle and stood on the translucent blue bridge. The city peered at me through fuzzy blue lights and a forever night sky. Still, the cement chilled my bare feet as I skirted past the unnatural shadows blotting the dismal spheres of light cast by the neon signs. I curved around a turn, almost slipping, but picked myself up in the same speed. Shadows lurked about, their beady yellow eyes stalking my movements. They flung themselves upon me. _No, not right now!_ I needed to find them! I tore them off of me, leaving claw marks all over my arms and hands and threw them to the ground, the walls, and the other shadows. As I neared the alleyway, I head their voices.

"So, you're really gonna leave us, huh? After all we've been through, you're just gonna dump us like we're nothing."

"I've gotta find him."

"Then stay! We'll find him together."

"That's not how it works and you know that Axel."

"And you know that leaving the Organization means death. Superior will send everyone he's got after you…even me."

"Who cares? No one would miss me-"

"That's not true! It's not!"

Roxas' eyes slightly widened when he heard my voice and saw me leaning against a wall, panting, dirty, and still in my pajamas.

"Jenyl…."

"Axel and I, we would miss you."

A bitter smile emerged from his lips. The same bitter-sweetness poured from his large, blue eyes. I walked forward a bit until Axel supported me, giving me his arm to lean on. He brushed away the bangs that clung to my face, then straightned up.

"You're willing to abandon Jenyl for him?"

Axel's green eyes hardened as he stared forward, his mouth now a rigid line. Roxas looked to the side, lapis eyes averted. A tight boa seemed to constrict the inside of my throat and lungs. He lifted his head up. His voice sounded so soft and hesitant that we strained to hear.

"Take care of her, Axel."

I nearly choked, horrified. "Wait! No! You can't leave."

I struggled in Axel's arms as I watched Roxas turn around and hold an arm out. I pulled and pulled. I had to reach him. I just had to.

"Roxas! Roxas!"

Finally, I slipped out of Axel's crushing grip-almost falling forward-and flung myself forward in an agonizing sprint. For a second, he looked back. But he stepped through the swirling portal of darkness, almost completely disappearing. I threw myself forward-reaching out to him-but slipped past the end of the black robe he wore. While I picked myself up, the portal closed. It was gone. So was he.

"Roxas…."

A pitiful cry escaped my lips, but I clamped a hand over my mouth and sat there on the cold, hard ground. Images of that girl sulking, weeping, sighing, sleeping, wishing, waiting-they all crashed into my mind in fumbled jigsaws. They clashed and cracked in splitting, jutting pieces. Footsteps treaded behind me until a hand reached out to my shoulder.

"Jenyl."

"Maybe it's good that I don't have a heart," I mumbled. "She was tortured by it. I can see her cry."

"…let's go back."

"Where did he go? Who is he searching for?"

"The other half that made him."

As he said that, he pulled me up and let me lean on him. I buried my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around his torso. He peered down while stroking my back, eyes glazed over. "C'mon Jenyl. Let's go."

The walk back was quiet. Even the shadows stayed away. We walked side by side past the neon signs and the empty bar glass doors. The necklace's chain dangled down my shirt and clinked gently until my hand steadied it. It was metallic-cold against my skin. I ran in front of Axel. He stopped as I patted his chest and searched around his neck area until I fingered the necklace.

"You're still wearing it," I whispered.

"He was too. I guess it's time we put faith in what you made, huh?"

The charm was hard and cold as I turned it over and over. "…did he have faith in us?"


	3. Mistakes

We had continued walking, but this time I was a few steps ahead. Headquarters came upon us quickly, the blinding white a mockery to our eyes. It all seemed so sanitary. The white walls closed in on us-empty but throttling-immaculately designed. Once or twice I opened my mouth to say a word, but Axel's cool, steady gaze shut my jumbled mess of thoughts before I could even voice them.

"We'll stop by my room to bandage up your wounds." His toneless voice made me curl up inside.

In his room, I sat on the floor with arms out as Axel tightened the last bandaging clothe. We continued to sit there, our colored irises on the same floor, but our gazes somewhere else.

"Thanks," I finally mumbled, voice slightly chafing.

"Your clothes….," he started.

"Yeah, I know. Are you okay?"

"Are you?"

There was silence.

"Yeah," he said anyway.

I watched him for a moment before bringing him to me, where he stiffened but then slumped over and buried his face on my shoulder. I stroked his hair while cooing softly, my breath barely brushing past his soft tendrils of crimson.

"This should be the other way around," he said, voice trembling against my arm.

"You've done more than enough for me."

"…..I should go now. I've got some cleaning up to do."

He pulled away and helped me up.

"Be good Jenyl."

I nodded.

After he left, I walked down the hall past the several doors, but stopped at one. It was _his_ door. I pushed it open. It was silent. A bed lay tucked in the corner, as did a nightstand by it. A bookcase took the other wall, along with a chair and a desk, nothing else. The bed sheets were made, the pillow crisp and white. It felt rough with starch against my fingertips. He had slept here.

My hand traveled down the pillowcase to the neck of the folds of the blankets, tracing the shoulder lines of the sheets, and down to the straight center of the mattress. Someone whipped me around. It was Saix.

"You shouldn't be snooping around other people's rooms."

"T-then what are you doing here?"

"Me? Well now, I'm here for punishment's sake."

He stroked my hair, the gloved fingers aiming to caress my face, but I turned. His frigid breath ran across my cheek. But he grabbed my chin and stared directly into my purple eyes, his now dilated and glinting. Glaring, I brushed him off and dodged to the side until he yanked me down, the force throwing me on the bed. I landed on my back and slightly on my arm. Saix leaned over, the scar on his face even angrier.

"What are you doing?" I questioned, attempting to get back up.

But he shoved me back down. His hand brushed down my neck, then crushed it enough to make me cough and thrash about, hands clawing at his thick arms. Once more, he ravaged my shoulder, neck, and chin. He bit down on the tender side of my throat. The pain flared up, burning my skin, making my flesh crawl. My nails pierced into him, drawing fresh blood, yet I could feel him taste the crimson liquid bubbling around my wound. _God this wasn't happening!_ Not here, not here where I could still inhale the lingering scent of autumn, of _him_. This was where he slept.

And where I would die.

Angry tears welled up as his hand brutally stalked the inches of skin he stole, his fingers fisting into my hair.

"H..help! Please, somebody help me! Roxas! Roxas!"

Malicious laughter came from above.

"Stupid girl. Roxas can't help you now. In fact, I think he'd enjoy the show."

"Shut up!"

The sound of fabric ripping sent me into frantic struggling. Finally, I let go of his arms and punched him in the face, hard enough to surprise him. As soon as he let go, I punched again and kicked his stomach. A grunt came from him. I dragged myself off, landing on all fours. Picking myself up, I burst out the door and ran as far as I could. The hallways seemed to pass like mazes, both blurry and the same. I stumbled dizzily, but continued sprinting until someone grabbed me.

"Let me go! Help! Help! Anybody!" I struggled, arms thrashing and flailing, the sudden intense pain of my bruised knuckles alarming.

"Shhh, Jenyl. It's all right. Calm down."

The shock of blonde hair as I looked up made me hold then.

"Roxas?"

"Uhh, it's Demyx," the voice answered.

"Demyx."

After rubbing my eyes, I saw Demyx with a perturbed expression. I tore away from his arms and tried to fix up my clothes.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"N-nothing. I..f..fell. Where's Axel? Have you seen him?"

"Still speaking with the Superior about…you know."

"Oh…."

"Did you need something?"

I shook my head. "I just want to see Axel."

"Well, he'll be out soon." He made as if to leave.

"Wait…could you take me there?"

He raised a brow. "Don't you know where the Council Room is?"

"Yeah, but…I don't want to go alone…at least not right now."

Demyx scratched his head, his brow still raised. "Alright, I guess."

"Thanks."

He led me down the halls and past the abstract walls jutting out of the abyss. All of the whites and silvers taunted me with their intense brightness, both sedate and sterile. Demyx's cloak clashed with the color, as did his blond hair. When we reached the large double doors to the Council Room, I noticed Demyx eyeing my neck.

"What?"

"That must have been one vampire-like fall."

I rubbed the wound with my palm, but Demyx left it alone. He leaned against the wall by the doors while I sat nearby.

"Here."

"Huh?"

Demyx held out his cloak to me. I took it and zipped it over my shredded, stained clothes. It was heavy and sagged down my arms and past my legs, but felt worn and warm, enough to settle the chills that had taken me.

"Thanks."

"You know, it really does suit you, doesn't it?"

"Maybe it does."

The door handle clicked as Axel walked out alone. It took a few steps for him to realize the two of us by the door.

"Jenyl, why are you here?"

"I was waiting for you."

Demyx took this chance to leave with a salute.

"Something wrong? Why are you wearing Demyx's cloak?"

Axel came closer to pick up the dragging layers of clothe, but instead caught the purple-blue blotches staining my throat, along with the bite mark that now began to clot. My eyes were still a glossy pink.

"Who did this to you?"

The voice was a low, but fierce murmur. His eyes were Greek fires that chased away mine.

"Who Jenyl? Tell me."

"…Saix."

"He didn't…"

I shook my head, but drew the cloak closer to me.

"I escaped before anything happened."

"That damn bastard! I'm going to kill him and hang him by his throat!"

"Wait!"

I tugged on his arm, keeping him from storming off.

"Let go Jenyl. He needs to die."

"Don't."

"And why not?!"

"Because you'll leave me too!"

Axel stopped pulling.

"It's true. If you kill him, then Superior will have you executed."

"I don't care. That piece of crap doesn't deserve to live."

"But I care." My voice sounded small, even to me.

There was one heavy, consuming pause, one where it ate us whole and waited. My chest constricted as I watched his brows furrow and lips curve down.

"I'm supposed to take care of you," he finally spoke.

"Just…teach me how to fight."

"What?"

"Teach me how to fight."

"Why?"

"I don't want to be helpless anymore. I can't always depend on someone else to save me."

He shook his head slowly. "Your hands weren't meant for killing."

"Then what were they meant for? I was almost hurt Axel, in the worst way possible and neither you nor Roxas were there to help me! I'm so weak and I'm sick of it!"

Frustrated tears misted over my reddening eyes and streamed down my raw cheeks and the curve of my skin. I brought my hand to my face to touch the wetness, then gazed at it with searching pupils. Even Axel stared awkwardly until he too reached out to feel the texture of tears against gloved fingertips.

"These are just imitated, aren't they? Nobodies can't cry," he softly reasoned, still looking upon his hand.

"You're so….," but nothing came to me.

His words disturbed me, not only because of their grimness, but he was starting to sound like Roxas. Would he too have to find himself? That meant wandering this awful white castle by myself with Saix prowling around every corner. I would fear every step and hesitate at every chance.

"If you won't teach me how to fight, then I'll just learn myself."

"You'll just get hurt. You can't"

"…fine then."

I made to walk away, but Axel's arm blocked the way.

"You're not going anywhere Jenyl, but back to your room."

"I-"

"We'll start training after you've rested up."

I looked at him. "Promise?"

A brief glimpse of something crossed over his face. "Maybe we should stop that. You know we can't keep them."

I stared at him hard, making sure he felt every ounce, every fiber of my fury. My disappointment.

"Maybe you can't, but I will."

If I had looked back, I would have seen a silent man dressed in darkness, the light from the walls outlining his tired body.

I was awake to hear the knock on my door. It didn't seem to surprise Axel when I opened it right after the first knock. Instead, he started walking to the exit, expecting me to follow. We ended up in front of Memory Skyscraper. Axel watched me with murky uncertainty before summoning his chakrams in a burst of flames. It wasn't until then that I noticed the awkwardness of holding nothing. I had no weapon.

"Axel, I-"

His chakram spun towards me and slashed across my shoulder, the smell of melting fabric nauseating me. When I looked up from the ground, Axel towered over me dangerously, the flickering light of his fire spinning shadows everywhere.

"See how unsuited you are for fighting?"

"You're still trying to stop me?"

I lunged at him, bringing him down to the ground with a loud "oomph." Almost instantly the chakrams seared through the cloak and slashed me across the chest. He shoved me backward and spun his first chakram at me, singeing my hair, and then the second one slashing my leg. I fell down to one knee, wincing. Axel walked slowly, inching forth while the wispy flames fueled around his dancing weapons. They spun at me again, cutting my arms, legs, stomach, and shoulders. I cried out more from the lingering pain of the fire.

"Had enough?"

"….no."

He hesitated a bit before sending his chakram towards me. But I caught it with both hands, paying with blood, screams, and scorches. It pulsed in my hands as I ran towards Axel and swung at him, striking its brother chakram. His green eyes widened, but he recovered.

"You're holding it like a sword."

A torrent of flames surrounded us, making me sweat and gasp for air. He pushed me back, but I swung again, the sharp end dragging across his chest, tearing his cloak, undershirt, and skin. Before I could recover, molten flames burst from the ground, the heat exhaust blinding me until I fell back into the wall of flames. Most of the cloak was now in shreds, hanging loosely to my bruised and battered frame. It hurt just to lie on the ground, but I was too weak to even stand up. Light footsteps came toward me. They sounded distant and dream-like….so dull but oddly the focus of my attention, that is until the whirling wisps of the chakrams buzzed into my thoughts. He was going to kill me.

I could hear the light air split in half when his chakrams came at me as he stepped out of the wall of garish flames, the dark glow pulsing in his eyes. Rolling over, I dodged one chakram and groaned from the other, this time falling on my stomach, which was a semi-relief for my scorched back-that is until I had to throw myself away again just to dodge the next attack. One thing screamed loud in my head.

I was going to die.

The mixture of blood and bile made me want to vomit even more as I sloppily crouched on the ground. Axel glowed brilliantly, the embers of his flames leaping up behind him. My breath came out ragged and sharp, chafing against my lungs and throat as I watched him spin his chakrams, objects I now attached to the scalding pain spilt over my back.

I once looked upon him as a friend, the flickering heat a welcoming warmth compared to the darkness. But now all I saw was the lingering hurt in his cool-jade eyes and the angry flames behind him.

I collapsed.

(Some time later)

I awoke to no one.

Everything was a painful white to my eyes and I ached all over, which was a strange comparison to the emptiness inside. Truly I was a Nobody, and it wasn't until then that I realized how pitiful nothingness was. I couldn't even grieve a lost friend properly.

My clothes were still grimy and torn from the battle, and as I got off the bed, I felt some wounds reopen. Holding my side, I limped over to the closet and grabbed some clothes-a black tank and black shorts-and dragged myself to the sink where I began to clean myself off.

It wasn't until I buckled my belt when the door opened, revealing Axel. He paused before coming in. He settled back against the wall and folded his arms. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Jenyl," he started, but silence followed after. Again I felt the awkward void left from _his _departure. Everything seemed so…pointless.

"You really aren't meant for fighting," he finally said.

I couldn't help but glare at him from beneath my lashes, unconsciously clenching my hands to feel the scars on my palms.

"Don't try to be something you're not," he whispered.

"What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is don't go chasing after something you're not."

"What do you know of who I am or what I should go after?"

He scoffed. "Don't me that crap Jenyl. You don't even know what you're saying."

"Just because I'm arguing with you doesn't mean I don't know what I'm saying!"

The scream echoed in the room, the volume frightening even me. I could see Axel's expression fade from shock and into a blank. Those cool eyes leveled with my own.

"I won't deal with children," he spoke before turning and walking away. Something had dropped on the floor; they were bandages. I stared at them stonily before picking the role up and squeezing it.

"What's wrong with me?" I whispered to myself. It was at that moment I saw her curl up and cry again. Blinking, I collapsed to the floor in some horrid imitation, but with a dry face.

"What have I done?"

An hour later, I walked out, the fresh bandaging constricting and chafing as I stepped down the hallway. It was an aimless walking of refusal, a refusal to sulk in a room where Axel might come back. There wasn't much to do but walk, the cold white settling my skin a sickly glow.

It was all I could do.


End file.
